Digimon: Misadventures
by Maniac92
Summary: A parody of Digimon Adventure. Seven children are whisked away into a world full of blood-thristy monsters, creepy partners, and bad jokes. Rated T for suggestive humor, language, and small children being injured.
1. Introductions

**Digimon: Misadventures**

**By: Maniac92**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Digimon franchise or any properties associated with it.**

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**Chapter 1: Introductions**

It started off like any average summer. The sun shined, temperatures rose, and floods drowned most of the Middle East.

Ok, so maybe the summer wasn't that average.

Truth is, most of the planet was experiencing bizarre weather. The rain forests dried out, destroying the trees and driving many species of animals to extinction. The Middle East and Northern Africa were flooded, killing millions. North America froze, its temperature reaching record lows and wiping out most of the population.

But, who cares about that? In Japan, everything was fine and dandy and numerous parents shipped their whiny brats off to summer camp.

At one such summer camp, a group of ordinary children met and decided almost immediately that they hated each other.

These children are:

Tai Kamiya, an attention-starved boy with a crippling fear of barbers and a strange fascination with goggles.

Sora Takenouchi, a competitive A-type who believes that helmets will help her succeed in life.

Matt Ishida, an unfriendly boy with a soft spot for harmonicas and a burning hatred of his little brother and people with goggles.

Izzy Izumi, an antisocial boy who believes he is smarter than everyone else.

Mimi Tachikawa, a girl who appears friendly and ditzy but secretly despises everyone else.

T.K. Takaishi, a younger boy who worships his older brother and seeks to destroy any who oppose him.

And Joe Kido, who just came to camp to make lanyards and maybe make some s'mores with some new-found friends. He is scared.

The fate of the world rests in the hands of these six children.

We are screwed.

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**Please read and review.**

**Regular chapters will not be this short, this is just a brief introduction.**

**Joe would like to state that he came to make wallets, not lanyards. My bad.**


	2. God Hates Tomagotchi

**Digimon: Misadventures**

**By: Maniac92**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, its characters, or anything about it.**

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**Chapter 2: God Hates Tamagotchi**

The children were enjoying a pleasant day at the summer camp, when they noticed several odd things. It was cold, it was dark, and it was snowing. A lot.

As kids ran for cover from the blizzard, seven children took shelter in a nearby shed. They were not very comfortable as the shed was very small.

"Get your elbow out of my face, Tai!" yelled Matt.

"Get your face off my elbow!" shouted Tai. He shoved Matt, who fell onto T.K.

"Are you alright?" asked T.K., who was squashed underneath his brother.

"Shut up, T.K." advised Matt, who made no move to get off his brother. "And be more comfortable, for God's sake."

"Guys, maybe we could just calm down?" asked Joe. "This storm can't last forever. All we need to do is wait for it to stop."

"Joe's right." agreed Mimi. "There's no need to fight." She glared at the group and muttered, "I'll break your legs if you don't stop."

"Did you say something, Mimi?" asked Tai.

"Oh nothing!" answered Mimi cheerfully.

"I don't understand why you all pulled me in here." said Sora. "I would have been just fine on my own."

"Unlikely." said Izzy, briefly looking up from his laptop. "Based on your attire, I would estimate that you would have had 9.98 seconds to get to a shelter before you froze to death." He gazed back down at his laptop. "Numbers don't lie."

"You know who else doesn't lie?" asked Sora. "Me, when I tell you that I could last hours on my own. In fact," Sora began to move towards the door, "I think I'll test that theory right now." And with that, she opened the door and walked out.

Several seconds passed in silence.

"Is she okay?" asked Joe, when he couldn't stand the suspense anymore.

"Probably not." said an apathetic Izzy. "I tried to tell her that-"

Sora stuck her head back into the shed. "Don't worry ladies, the big bad storm has stopped. You can come out now."

"AWESOME!" yelled Tai. He rushed out of the shed and looked around. The blizzard had covered the ground and the trees with a blanket of fresh, powdery snow. "Whoa! This would be perfect for sledding!"

"Whatever, man." huffed Matt as he walked outside. "Sledding's so lame."

"Big brother, I like sledding!" said T.K. "It's really fun and…" he trailed off when he noticed Matt glaring at him. "…and by that I mean not fun at all. Sledding's so lame!"

"Oh no…" said Joe as he stepped outside. "I didn't bring a jacket…"

"Don't worry so much, Joe!" said Mimi sweetly. She muttered darkly, "You have bigger things to worry about…"

"What did you say Mimi?" asked Joe.

"Nothing!" said Mimi.

Inside the shed, Izzy was glaring at his laptop. He picked up his cell phone and swore. "No Wi-Fi…no bars…this place sucks. How am I supposed to enjoy camp if I can't stay inside and stare at a computer all day?!"

"Izzy!" yelled Tai from outside. "Stop looking at porn and come out here!"

"I don't look at porn!" Izzy yelled back.

"Then why do you have a computer?" asked Tai. "Never mind, you have to see this!"

Grumbling, Izzy packed up his stuff and reluctantly stepped outside. The others were standing close by and gazing up with open mouths. _Knowing these turkeys, _thought Izzy, _they'll probably drown doing that._ "Ok," he said out loud, "You got me out here. Now what's the big deal?"

In response, the group simply pointed up. Izzy looked up at the sky and was surprised to see waves of different colored lights.

"What are they?" asked Mimi.

"It's an aurora." said Izzy.

"…Which is?" asked Tai.

"Waves of colored lights that are commonly seen around the polar regions." explained Izzy.

"…" The group stared at Izzy.

Izzy's eye twitched. "They are pretty lights that show up at the top and bottom of the world."

"Oooh!" said the group.

Izzy palmed his forehead. "I hate all of you."

"Um…guys?" asked Joe. He pointed upwards. "What is that?"

The kids looked up and saw what could only be described as a green hole in the sky.

"Why can we see the sky's anus?" asked Matt.

Before anyone could answer, seven fireballs rocketed from the sky's "anus" and sped towards the group. They impacted near the kids' feet and knocked them backwards.

Sora got up and asked, "Everyone ok?"

Matt looked around at the group before answering, "I think so."

"Big brother?" asked T.K. "I taste blood."

"Walk it off." advised Matt.

"What the hell was that?" asked Joe.

Izzy looked at a small crater by his feet. "It appears that an object of unknown origin has broken through our atmosphere and impacted with such velocity-"

"You don't know, do you?" asked Sora.

"No." admitted Izzy. "No, I don't."

Bright lights shone through the craters. Seven glowing objects floated up in front of the kids. Each of them grabbed one and looked at it. The objects appeared to be some sort of mechanical devices and were small enough to cover with one hand.

"…Why did God throw Tamagotchi pets at us?" asked Mimi.

"I guess not even he likes them." answered Matt.

"Could this day get any weirder?" asked Joe.

A roar of water was heard as a massive wave rose up from nowhere. It towered over the kids, who stared with wide eyes.

Matt glared at Joe and said, "I blame you for this."

The wave crashed into the group, knocking them off their feet and carrying them away…

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**Please read and review.**

**The kids have been introduced properly, and we're heading off into the Digital World.**

**God is just fine with Tamagotchi, it's Beyblade he can't stand.**


	3. Get the Bug Spray, Stat!

**Digimon: Misadventures**

**By: Maniac92**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, its characters, ideas, or its many, many pairs of goggles.**

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**Chapter 3: Get the Bug Spray, Stat!**

"Tai? Tai, wake up!"

Tai groaned as he cracked his eyes open. "My head…" he moaned. He opened his eyes to see a pink thing with sharp teeth and red eyes staring back at him.

The two looked at each other for a moment.

"…You have beautiful eyes." said the pink thing.

"…Thank you." said Tai. "Please excuse me for a moment."

"Sure." said the pink thing as it hopped off Tai's chest.

Tai got up, brushed himself off, and took a deep breath.

And then he screamed.

Loudly.

"OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD!" hollered Tai.

"Wait!" said the pink thing. "Don't panic! I'm your friend!"

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" yelled Tai. "AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

"I'm Koromon!" said the pink thing. "I've been waiting a long time for you!"

"What do you mean waiting for me?" asked Tai, still keeping his distance.

"We're supposed to be partners!" said Koromon happily.

"Oh." said Tai. He muttered to himself, "I guess that explains all the pink…" Clearing his throat, he said, "Look buddy, I don't really swing that way, if you catch my drift. It's not like I'm against your kind or anything, but…"

"My kind?" asked a confused Koromon. "You mean Digimon?"

"Is that what they're calling it now?" asked Tai. He shook his head. "Never mind. You said your name is Koromon?"

"Mm-hmm!" nodded Koromon. He hopped into Tai's arms and said, "Let's go!"

"Go where?" asked Tai. He looked around at the jungle surrounding them. "I don't even know where I am."

"Tai?" came a voice from behind them.

Tai turned and saw Izzy stumbling through the bush. "Izzy? You're here too?"

"Unfortunately." sniffed Izzy. He pulled a stray twig out of his hair. "Thank God I found you though. I just barely got away from this little pink thing-"

"I told you, my name is Motimon!" said a small, pink, blob-like creature. "And I told you already that I'll follow you everywhere you go!" His smile turned slightly manic. "_Everywhere_…"

"You have one too?" asked Tai. He looked down at Koromon and then back to Motimon. He held Koromon to his chest and said, "Mine's cooler than yours."

"Whoo!" cheered Koromon. "In your face, bitch!"

"Curses…" muttered Motimon, glaring at Koromon.

"Hey Izzy." said Tai suddenly. "You're a nerd, right?"

Izzy stared at Tai. "…I guess?"

"Where are we?" asked Tai. "This place doesn't look like it's anywhere near camp."

"Well," began Izzy, "Judging from the vegetation around this place and the general humidity-"

"You don't know, do you?" interrupted Tai.

"No. No I don't." confirmed Izzy.

"You're in the Digiworld!" said Motimon.

"Digiworld?" asked Tai. "That sounds like a cheap theme park." He set Koromon down and walked towards a tree, pulling out a small telescope from his pocket as he did so. "Let me see if I can recognize anything around us. We might not be too far from camp."

Tai climbed to the top of the tree and sat on a sturdy branch. He looked through the telescope and was surprised to see a lot of blue.

"The ocean?" he asked. He looked around and saw an unfamiliar cluster of mountains. "Where the hell are we?" he muttered.

"What are you looking at Tai?" asked a voice.

Tai lowered the telescope and stared at Koromon, who was sitting on a branch on the other side of the tree. "How did you get up here?"

"The elevator." said Koromon.

Tai opened his mouth to question that statement, thought for a moment, and decided he didn't want to know.

"So what are you looking at?" repeated Koromon.

"Beats me." said Tai, looking through the telescope again. "I don't recognize anything around here." He sighed. "I mean, there's an ocean I don't recognize, mountains I don't recognize, a giant red killer beetle I don't recognize, trees I don't recognize…"

"Wait, what was that about a beetle?" asked Koromon, his eyes widening.

"It's nothing." said Tai obliviously. "It's just a giant red beetle that's…heading…right at us…" Tai calmly put the telescope back in his pocket. He looked at Koromon and said, "We should probably duck, huh?"

"YES!" Screamed Koromon as he and Tai threw themselves flat on their branches. The giant beetle flew straight above them, taking most of the tree in the process.

On the ground, Izzy and Motimon stared in horror at what was happening above. "What the hell is that?!" yelled Izzy.

"Not good, not good, not good!" hollered Motimon as he covered his eyes.

Back in what remained of the tree, Tai lifted himself up and looked around for the beetle. He spotted it making a U-turn and start flying towards them again. "Here it comes again!" said Tai.

"Don't worry!" said Koromon. "I've got this!" He leapt off the branch and fired pink bubbles out of his mouth.

The beetle paid no mind to the bubbles and charged at Koromon, knocking him to the ground.

Tai's eyes shifted between the falling Koromon and the beetle, which was rocketing towards the tree. "Shit." said Tai. He jumped out of the tree, barely dodging the beetle's pincers. He hit the ground hard and cringed as he got up.

"Tai!" shouted Izzy, running towards him. "Are you okay?"

"No." answered Tai. He got to his feet. "Where's the little guy?"

"T-Tai?" came a weak voice.

Tai turned and saw Koromon lying several feet away. He ran over to him and gently picked him up. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'll be fine…I think." said Koromon. "He's not weak to bubbles, by the way."

"Apparently." agreed Tai.

They heard an earth-shattering roar and looked up. The beetle, having realized that it did not, in fact, bisect its prey on its last charge, was flying towards the group.

"So…" said Tai conversationally. "Anyone else have any ideas?"

"Just one." said Izzy, picking up Motimon. "RUN!"

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**Please read and review.**

**Two Digimon have been introduced, but what about the others?**

**Why is everything pink, by the way? Koromon, Motimon, Koromon's bubbles, Mimi's hat, Tai's underwear, it's all pink. Why?**


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